great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize