i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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