I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We left the knife in your bed.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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