I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
