Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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