I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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