tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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