I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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