girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
