I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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