Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
