Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
