And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
