Me. At least after what I've been through.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize