I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I forget how to act sober
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
