I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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