I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
