I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
