Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
