Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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