I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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