Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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