just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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