Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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