Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize