It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
