I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
