dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
