We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
