I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
they call him Oral-B. enough said
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
