If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize