Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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