there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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