***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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