Don't make out with my wife yet
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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