Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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