i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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