Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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