Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
