from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
