So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
