Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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