i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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