thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You ruined the universe
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