Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
