Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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