I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
