You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
