Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
