we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize