Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
