I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
