Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
