Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
