i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
