I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize