I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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