Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
