You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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