....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
