The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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