sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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