i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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