I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
he had hair everywhere except his balls
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
