What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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