Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
