Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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