I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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