mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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