The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
