I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
