so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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