He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize