i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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