my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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