i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
