OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Two words: nipple clamps
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