He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
