But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
