yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
