I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
