just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
