I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Found your dick twin last night
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize