I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
