so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
