you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
