im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
