so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
